so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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