it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
