Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
