Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
