just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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