a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
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