She is in my trunk
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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