hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
