no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
