Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
