last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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