Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize