It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That accounts for only three of the penises
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
