Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
