dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize