Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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