ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
