whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
