My cat gives me a boner
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
