I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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