she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize