I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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