The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
