He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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