I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
