I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
