Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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