I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize