Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
