You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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