wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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