i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
