i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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