why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
