I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
