so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
