This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
