6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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