I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
