I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
