Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
