You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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