Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
