im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
