god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
