how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
