So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
