is your mom at the bar?
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
