the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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