yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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