i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
