Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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