never play flip cup with pint glasses
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
