mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
