Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
