kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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