Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
