guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
