CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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