Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
