Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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