but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
