i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
