pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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