If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
