I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
