So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
