Having a random hookup so left but love u
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
