apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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