Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
