she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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