I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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