you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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