I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
