I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
