return my video game
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
